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Writer's Block: Fight or flight

When i was a kid staying at my grandparents house, I got in trouble for some reason i don't remember.  I stormed off in a rage, stomping up the stairs with my blue teddy bear in my arms.  At the top of the stairs i took Blue Ted by the legs and swung him at the bannister, his poor furry head slammed off the wood and i can still hear the crack of his plastic eyes on impact.

I then spent the rest of the afternoon in bed crying and apologising to Blue Ted.  I didn't mean to hurt him. The sense of guilt was agonising and i couldn't forgive myself.

Even now when i open the closet and spot him sitting in the back i can sense the years of bonding but that wary look in his eyes, he will never forget that betrayal when i took my anger at someone else out on his defencless furry blue form.

It was a turning point and i've never done that sort of thing since..... as long as you don't count the innocent millions of imaginary folk who live in my Playstation. 

There i was lying in bed having a lovely cosy sleep in...mmm.

Then my mother called me....It would be really nice if i went and helped my dad unblock my sisters sewer... ahem...reallly nice.... its not a request...get your ass down there.....  

what the hell its not even nine am

this had better be included on the 'good deeds' list when they make their wills

mnehhh...big tired head...digging for old clothes in the back of the wardrobe... ill fitting and mismatched... no breakfast... worn out waterproofs and into the car... Played some very loud grindcore and made a grumpy menacing face at a car full of nuns... screw you karma!!!  how can you make my day any worse??.... Someday i'll learn......

junctions...eruptions....and a wedding!!Collapse )



Since i live in an evil backward Socialists utopian hell....

Today the State has decided to bestow upon me the most evil of Socialist deprivations.... Social Welfare Payments

Such a terrible thing will only encourage me not to get a job and lead to me sponging off the state forever, never developing or growing, eventually destined to die frustrated and unfufilled

Sounds like a good deal to me, €160 of your finest taxpayers Euros into my greedy mitt every week, but whats this it runs out after another 53 weeks...oh no!!  Actually no its not your tax money...its mine... why the hell has it taken so long to give it back.  By now my one year welfare period should be over... not just beginning.

im red and under your bedCollapse )

coffin dodgers


I woke up drunk this morning in a hotel room, very confused.  At first i couldn't figure out why i couldnt see properly but then i remembered i have been wearing glasses for the last seventeen years.  Everything was sort of off kilter as i careened through the lobby, gravity having inexplicably been altered in a new sideways direction, confounded EU messing with things i suppose. 

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A Questionable Gift

When a very lovely young lady gives you twelve bottles of Buckfast for your birthday there is only one question....

Poll #1417671 Buckie

Are her intentions honourable?

She has given me a very thoughtful gift
She wants to see me dead
She wants to see me dead in a compromising situation like David Carradine but with greased up He-man figures
Its a sign of the coming apocolypse
I should pay more attention to that twinkle in her eye
Check out the wikipedia page  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buckfast_Tonic_Wine   if you click on the last ingredient it  brings you to a rather interesting page.....   that can't be true.... but it would explain a lot......   Especially that very weird hangover

Good Golly..... doublethink, i think..

I've been meaning to post this for ages, ever since i got back from All Tomorrow's Parties in Butlins, Minehead.

Its a strange place, a nice old town and seafront promenade, which gives way to the flashing lights of the arcades and slot machines before ending at the logical conclusion that is Butlins.

Just look at the place, the most attractive thing they could put on a postcard is people waiting to go in the gate.....

Parental Discretion is Advised on the following photo....Collapse )

awww defeated by linear time

My plan to document my life one year at a time until my birthday has faltered horribly.  there is no way i can cram the next twenty years into the next week so i have decided to abandon the deadline and just tootle along at a pace that can work. So probably about the next month or so.  Its also because i can't find the photo albumn with 1989 in it.  I know its here somewhere and it contains my mullet.

In addition i had to re-think how i was going to write about my teenage years since i still know lots of those people and dont want to offend them in such a public forum.  Maybe a fictional account of the past is the only way to tell some truths, haha, no im definately going to have some fun tearing into some people... with 'in my opinion'... before every sentence and a disclaimer at the bottom so that i don't run foul of defamation and libel laws.  

For example 'In my opinion Justin is a fucking cock sucking scrote of the lowest order with no will of his own, even as a teenager he lacked the basic elements of a personality and thrived entirely on reacting to his surroundings in ways that best suited his short term survival, i truly hope that this has worked out for him and that his survival was both short term and needlessly tragic'

ranty rant rantCollapse )

1988.... The Millenium

In Ireland we always like to consider ourselves as being ahead of our times and so we decided to celebrate the Millenium in 1988, screw you rest of the world

This was the year Dublin celebrated being sort of 1000 years old, really it was closer to 1100 but that would be no good for conning tourists out of their money.  Here is a shiny shiny coin...look at how shiny it is, all Dublin kids were collecting these like mad that year believing that somehow they would be worth something in the future.

To celebrate this great moment in the city's history they did things... none of which i can remember...opening a now forgotten shopping arcade, cleaning up the public toilets they have since closed. You know...the useful things.

There was also an exhibit we went to on a school tour where we could gaze in wonder at the skull of and early city dweller that had been pretty badly messed up with an axe....sweet.... this was probably the highlight of the school year until later on in May...

In May we went on a three week school trip to Inis Oirr the smallest of the Aran Islands.  This was a real big deal for us kids...three weeks away from parents and family, living with local families, learning to speak Irish and generally suddenly feeling free.

As free as the wild Donkeys that roamed the island frightening the girls with their near constant erections

scenery... pee.... and BrosCollapse )

Damn you ...damn you all to hell... ;)

Feeling all grrrr this evening, even though i am going away for a weekend of fabulous drunken festival fun

On Tuesday when i get back i have a job interview... my first in nearly a year :)

but its with fucking ikea.. offering me three four hour shifts at €9 an hour...

it will take take two hours to get there and two home so..that makes four hours...plus the fact that the commute will cost €8 a day...

so that means the first hours work is pointless, then i spend the same amount of time again commuting.  Eight hours for three hours profit..... go fuck yourself

I want to work... i desperately want to work...but welfare here offers me a better deal than that, and due to some additional working after they last fucked me over i can finally get welfare again after being denied for the last year for trying to better myself through study.

Is this what i spent the last fucking decade in college for... is this why i worked my arse off for exams...to get a fucking job i could have gotten if i dropped out of high school.

Damn  this recession thing sucks...anyone with a job you are blessed by diabolic angels

Fucking savour it...

I have spent some amount of money on applying for apprenticeships that don't exist and im going to dive in head first again next week and burn through another €500 on fucking stamps and fancy ass good quality paper, just because there is no database of who is or isnt offering apprenticeships, so much wasted time and duplication by everyone doing the same. At least in the UK they have a database of available jobs instead of having to write too everyone.

its only a matter of time before i start hoping the swine flu wipes people out so there will be some vacancies, christ if this goes like the black death then it will be an employees market again ;)  christ why not try that socialism thing again, suddenly year zero sounds like a good idea except that i'd probably be classed as an intellectual...buggery

screw that im hoping for some sort of swine flu, tb, ebola crossover

as long as it hits after my birthday bbq  ;)

bah humbug..... thats a years worth of frustration condensed and censored for you

heavily censored

chin chin

Yay by 1987 the oil spill had managed to be washed off the best beach in Dingle, it's a brilliant beach because it is terrifying.  There are always huge waves slamming you into the ground and washing you up the beach...its brilliant fun

I have on more than one occasion lost my swim trunks and best of all...there is always the chance of seeing some boobage... what ten year old boy doesn't love giggling at other peoples shame.  In fact to this day its always fun to see people get embarrassed.

In the background you can see the shipwreck, looming there temptingly.  By ten i was allowed wander off on my own and unbeknownst to my parents i knew every inch of that unstable wreck, climbing up floors, swinging off cables and generally being a stupid kid who should have ended up dead.

another communion, guns and a remarkably well preserved 70s CortinaCollapse )